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｡･:*˚:✧｡“ᴺᴼᵂ ᴬᴺᴰ ᵀᴴᴱᴺ ᴵ ᴿᴱᴿᴱᴬᴰ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴹᴬᴺᵁˢᶜᴿᴵᴾᵀ”｡･:*˚:✧｡

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(1879 words)

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Terracottascar hadn't meant to get caught in the cave.
They truly hadn't.
But the sky had decided to rain and the cave had decided to crumble around them.
They couldn't see without their flames, and they were too tired from lack of lava and food to keep them lit.
They laid on the cold stone floor, not sure of how much time had passed. The darkness pressed in on them, suffocating them. They close their eyes and gave in to the darkness

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Terracottakit bounded out of the nursery for the last time at the call of the leader, smiling widely and walking beside his sister, Obsidiankit. His mother had made his coat shiny, and he walked tall and proud in front of his clan, relishing in the appraising faces of his older clanmates. The clan’s leader was on their perch, smiling at the soon to be apprentices. The sun was setting and the lava sent glowing reflections on the rocks of the camp.

“Terracottakit, you will, from now until you receive your warrior, be known as Terracottapaw.”

Terracottapaw felt a warmth blooming in his chest as the clan chanted his new name. This name was a sign of his path and his purpose. He felt like a true part of the clan now.

“You shall be mentored by one of pyroclan’s most honorable warriors. Lavaclaw.”

His eyes found the reddish warrior, and he skipped up to touch noses with her, just as his mother had taught him. He smiled up at her, but she just nodded in approval, scanning over him with critical eyes. He hoped she would be a good mentor.

The light of day faded soon, and Lavaclaw said that they would begin training tomorrow. Terracottapaw could hardly sleep from excitement. He was in a new den, without his mother! He would go outside of the camp tomorrow, for the first time! Terracottapaw adjusted his position in his nest again, shutting his eyes tight, excited for what the future held.

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Terracottapaw was exhausted. Moons of apprenticeship, and Lavaclaw was never any easier to deal with. They padded along the border for the millionth time, their joints aching and their stomach crying for any kind of prey. Their mind was cloudy and their paws were bleeding from seemingly endless patrols. The sun blinded them through the sandy haze of the barrens border. They restrained a yawn as they half walked, half crawled to where their mentor was waiting for them with a scowl.

“Terracottapaw, you’re still walking to slowly. Do you think enemies will just wait for you to saunter on by? No!”
“I’m tired,” they whimpered, head bowed.

Lavaclaw lowered her face to them, snarling and grabbing them behind the ear with her claws, drawing their face forward. “The clan is starving because pathetic apprentices like you don’t have the true makings of a warrior. You’re soft, you still can’t handle basic warrior duties!” Terracottapaw opened their mouth to protest then slowly closed it. She was right. They should be trying harder.

They started off to patrol the next border, this time at a run that made their weak body scream. They always loved to run. But it hurt now. Their heart hurt, at the clans firm belief that Terracottapaw was just another dramatic apprentice, at how Lavaclaw insisted on referring to them as a tom cat when they knew they weren’t. Everything hurt, and they didn’t know how much longer they could take it.

The closed their eyes against the harsh sun, wishing something would change.

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“Lavaclaw is one of our best warriors! She may be strict but she’d never hurt you, Terra!”
“That’s easy for you to say, you have dad as a mentor! She hate me, Obi! She hates me! She won’t let me rest or eat or stop working!”
“Stop being ridiculous!”
“I’m not being ridiculous, I’m telling the truth!”
“You’re being an idiot, Terracottapaw! Stop being so…so weak! So pathetic!”
“…”
“Don’t look at me like that. All the other apprentices are fine, why can’t you be?!”
“Because I’m being hurt and mistreated.”
“Liar.”
“…”
“LIAR!”
“Just go.”
“…what?”
“Go, leave. You don’t believe me? You think I’m a liar? Go to your beloved Dragonflypaw and leave me alone. Don’t speak to me.”
“…fine.”
“Fine.”
“FINE!”


Terracottascar couldn’t sleep that night, but they kept their eyes closed and pretended.

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Terracottapaw blinked groggily, coming back to consciousness. Their ears were ringing and the world was spinning. They blinked again, trying to gage where they were, and how they got there. They felt nauseous, looking around. The medicine cats den. Why were they here? Had they passed out again? That would explain the symptoms. And then a pain shot up their leg as they moved it, so sharp and horrid that it brought back the memories.

A flash of claws.
Screaming.
Blame.
Anger.
Blood.

They let out a mew of fear involuntarily, ears flattening against their head as they looked around, hoping that Lavaclaw wasn’t nearby. They felt as if they’d scream to see her cruel, shining orange eyes.

The medicine cat's jargon was just noise in their ears as they laid there, terrified. Their leg was torn to shreds, their face a mess of scratches and blood. They couldn’t stop trembling, their body desperately trying to fix itself. When the med had finished their spiel, they looked up with weary eyes. “So can I go back to work now,” they asked weakly. “No!? You’re leg is extremely damaged, like I just said-”

Terra stood up in any way, ignoring the screaming pain.

They felt the world spin and their eyes fell shut as they fainted.

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Everyone tensed after their name was announced.
It was a cruel name.
A cruel joke they’d carry for the rest of their life.
A constant reminder of the attack.
Their clanmates looked shocked and some looked angry.
Terra felt themself crumble under their stares.
They were still damaged, they still had to drag themself around without putting weight on their leg. They weren’t fit to be nothing more than an extra mouth to feed. It was hard to eat anyways, it still made them nauseous.

But they deserved this less name even less than they surely deserved the pain.

“Terracottascar.”

A cruel joke.
A cruel, cruel reminder.
It was easy to pretend to be happy with the name.
They closed their eyes and bowed their head in fabricated respect.

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She was gone. Obsidianlove was gone and she wasn’t coming back.
Terra couldn’t shake the guilt and the pain and the anger.
The things they never got to say.
She was gone.
Terra felt as though the tear burns would add to their ever increasing number of scars.
They cursed the stars for taking their sister away.
They never got to say goodbye.
They never got to apologize.
To forgive.
She was just…
gone.

Terra had been the one to slide her glassy eyes shut.

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“My mom wouldn’t do that.”
“She did.”
“My mother is a GOOD warrior. A GOOD clan member.
Starclan, you really are a liar!”
“I’ve never lied to you.”
“You lie to me all the time! You- you manipulate me and you gaslight me!”
“No, I don’t”
“You’re evil! Trying to get me to hate my own MOTHER! How did I ever love you?!”
“I don’t know.”
“How are you so calm right now?! You’re lying to my face and you just look bored?!”
“….We’re done, Crash.”
“…
what?”
“We’re done. I’m worth more than what you’re trying to give me. Life is too short to exist with those who resent you.”
“You’re still lying! You NEED me, Terra!”
“Goodbye, Crashblaze.”

Terracottascar closed their eyes and sighed as they turned away.

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They loved the water.
They hated it, too.
It burned them as they stood in the ocean, but they relished in the wonderful feeling of water rushing up and around their paws. They closed their eyes and felt the wind dance in the cool evening light.

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She was everything.
Her laugh, her smile.
the way she got excited to see them.
Softpetal was everything all at once
sweet and lovely and wondrous.
Softpetal was everything
and she was Terra’s.
To have.
To hold.
In sickness and in health.
Forever and always.

Terra couldn’t remember ever falling so deeply in love before. The way it felt to sleep close, breathing in each others scents and talk and laugh quietly while the rest of the clan slept. Making plans for the future. She truly understood them. Softpetal believed them. The last thought they had as they slipped into sleep was how they never knew life could be this bright. How love could bring this much joy. Their eyes slid shut, basking in the soft red glow of her fire.

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It was far too cold for a pyrocat. Terracottascar felt the wind whip through their fur, painful sea mist making it feel as if the atmosphere was made of pins and needles. They slid on the ice, heart in their throat, their mind fuzzy with pain. The ocean was so close and they didn’t find it quite as beautiful when they couldn’t escape it. They longed for home, for the warm nests full of all kinds of memories. At the moment, they’d do anything for a taste of home.
Even if it was a bad one.

They had heard Crashblaze had died
thrown overboard
Terracottascar couldn’t find it in their heart to care.

It was too cold to care about anyone but themself and their mate.

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3 kits
that looked like their parents.
One named for an old friend
One named for ancient knowledge
One named for the colors of fire.
Brown
speckled
bright
perfect.
Another kit.
Smaller
Feeble
weak
white
beautiful.
Named for the sea.
She was perfect to Terracottascar as well.

It seemed they got old just as soon as they closed their eyes and opened them again.

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She was still lovely
still wondrous and sweet.
But she was no longer Terra’s.
They couldn’t know why.
How could they know?
Their mind made no sense to them either.
So they set her free
and in doing so
imprisoned themself.

She closed her eyes and cried.

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Charwood was different from anyone they had ever met.
They just
made sense
like Terracottascar was made for them.
They fit together like two halves of a whole.
Charwood and Terracottascar.
The new deputy of pyroclan
in love again, so soon.
Terracottascar couldn’t care less about the rumors.
They were to deep in love.
They found kits together.

Their family wasn’t big.
But it was theirs.

Then they closed their eyes and Charwood had gone.

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Terracottascar woke from the dream with a start. Glimpses of their life. It was odd. They still felt weak, even after resting. It was cold in the tiny, cramped space. Had it caved in more? They didn’t know.

They extended their paw, trying to stretch out their cramped and sore joints just a little bit. Their paw hit…ice. Weird. It was like some part of them from the past saying hello. The ice hurt Terra but it was like an old friend. An ancient memory. Some other life. They unconsciously smiled.

It was time.

They murmured a final goodbye to the world.
To their kids.
To their friends.
The clan.
The shores.
The pain.

The closed their eyes
and slipped off
to somewhere in the stars.

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｡･:*˚:✧｡“ᴮᵁᵀ ᵀᴴᴱ ˢᵀᴼᴿᵞ ᴵˢᴺ'ᵀ ᴹᴵᴺᴱ ᴬᴺᵞᴹᴼᴿᴱ”｡･:*˚:✧｡

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