The compiler's slow.






Oh and it decided to invent a whole new language to describe concepts that already existed for decades but wprded slightly differently, all to eliminate an entire class of bugs (supposedly) that you can mostly circumvent anyway. Doesn't want to add anything to the standard library. Takes an age to stabilise anything. Massively overhyped. Don't even get me started on the puns in things like their mascot name…
OH and there's more! They've got a total monopoly on that newfangled Assembled Web stuff, and they seem to really be pushing for adding new featires to it, sucking up valuable time and resources that could be used for optimising JS engines, but instead adds the gazillionth way of doing whatever you want to do. Claims to be portable but you can't even interface with thing that use the C ABI without the wrong registers being used (and the way in which thay bug manifests itself depends on the combination of versions of the compiler and LLVM…) - they don't even have their own stable ABI! Ridiculous! And the state of asynchronous programming is horrific - they let community-maintained libraries have near-total monopolies over the language ecosystem, strangling the effectiveness of any possible solution.
And too many frontends! Make up your mind!


note: this is satire. Obviously (I think?).

Pufferfish_Test wrote:

The compiler's slow.






Oh and it decided to invent a whole new language to describe concepts that already existed for decades but wprded slightly differently, all to eliminate an entire class of bugs (supposedly) that you can mostly circumvent anyway. Doesn't want to add anything to the standard library. Takes an age to stabilise anything. Massively overhyped. Don't even get me started on the puns in things like their mascot name…
OH and there's more! They've got a total monopoly on that newfangled Assembled Web stuff, and they seem to really be pushing for adding new featires to it, sucking up valuable time and resources that could be used for optimising JS engines, but instead adds the gazillionth way of doing whatever you want to do. Claims to be portable but you can't even interface with thing that use the C ABI without the wrong registers being used (and the way in which thay bug manifests itself depends on the combination of versions of the compiler and LLVM…) - they don't even have their own stable ABI! Ridiculous! And the state of asynchronous programming is horrific - they let community-maintained libraries have near-total monopolies over the language ecosystem, strangling the effectiveness of any possible solution.
And too many frontends! Make up your mind!


note: this is satire. Obviously (I think?).

Umm, Rust?

alwayspaytaxes wrote:

Pufferfish_Test wrote:

The compiler's slow.






Oh and it decided to invent a whole new language to describe concepts that already existed for decades but wprded slightly differently, all to eliminate an entire class of bugs (supposedly) that you can mostly circumvent anyway. Doesn't want to add anything to the standard library. Takes an age to stabilise anything. Massively overhyped. Don't even get me started on the puns in things like their mascot name…
OH and there's more! They've got a total monopoly on that newfangled Assembled Web stuff, and they seem to really be pushing for adding new featires to it, sucking up valuable time and resources that could be used for optimising JS engines, but instead adds the gazillionth way of doing whatever you want to do. Claims to be portable but you can't even interface with thing that use the C ABI without the wrong registers being used (and the way in which thay bug manifests itself depends on the combination of versions of the compiler and LLVM…) - they don't even have their own stable ABI! Ridiculous! And the state of asynchronous programming is horrific - they let community-maintained libraries have near-total monopolies over the language ecosystem, strangling the effectiveness of any possible solution.
And too many frontends! Make up your mind!


note: this is satire. Obviously (I think?).

Umm, Rust?

I think it's c++ because of the too many frontends thing. Rust only has one official compiler.

davidtheplatform wrote:

(#43)
I think it's c++ because of the too many frontends thing. Rust only has one official compiler.

These make more sense for Rust, not C++:

Don't even get me started on the puns in things like their mascot name…

They've got a total monopoly on that newfangled Assembled Web stuff,

Claims to be portable but you can't even interface with thing that use the C ABI without the wrong registers being used

Java, if it was owned by Microsoft, and re-designed to work with .NET. Also, it stole the var keyword from JavaScript.

Redstone1080 wrote:

(#45)
Java, if it was owned by Microsoft, and re-designed to work with .NET. Also, it stole the var keyword from JavaScript.

C#?

mybearworld wrote:

davidtheplatform wrote:

(#43)
I think it's c++ because of the too many frontends thing. Rust only has one official compiler.

These make more sense for Rust, not C++:

Don't even get me started on the puns in things like their mascot name…

They've got a total monopoly on that newfangled Assembled Web stuff,

Claims to be portable but you can't even interface with thing that use the C ABI without the wrong registers being used

The mascot puns point at rust, but I don't think Rust has a monopoly on wasm given Emscripten exists. I don't know anything about the last thing.
It probably is rust, but if so many of the things listed aren't true. Although most of them arent true for C++ either.

mybearworld wrote:

Redstone1080 wrote:

(#45)
Java, if it was owned by Microsoft, and re-designed to work with .NET. Also, it stole the var keyword from JavaScript.

C#?

Indeed it is C#, I think describing it as “Microsoft Java” gave it away lol

Predecessor to C, didn't have types (values stored as integers or memory addresses, depending on the machine). Became outdated when C was released a decade later, by the same group. Fell out of use, now obsolete.

BigNate469 wrote:

Predecessor to C, didn't have types (values stored as integers or memory addresses, depending on the machine). Became outdated when C was released a decade later, by the same group. Fell out of use, now obsolete.

Pascal? Oh wait! Assembly! The only reason I'm guessing Assembly is due to the fact your hint says "values stored as integers or memory addresses"

I supplied AI with a language and it generated this (Good Luck!):

This programming language is known for its high-pitched sound, often resembling a small rodent. It has a syntax that might make you feel like you're trapped in a maze, trying to find your way out. Its community is small, and finding help can be like searching for a needle in a haystack. Overall, using this language might make you feel like you're stuck in a never-ending loop of frustration.

Despite it's grandson becoming mainstream, few still use it for science, getting used in computers classed as very hard-working.

Redstone1080 wrote:

(#45)
Java, if it was owned by Microsoft, and re-designed to work with .NET. Also, it stole the var keyword from JavaScript.

C# lol

gilbert_given_189 wrote:

(#52)
Despite it's grandson becoming mainstream, few still use it for science, getting used in computers classed as very hard-working.

Matlab? and are you talking about Julia as it's grandson?

dynamicsofscratch wrote:

gilbert_given_189 wrote:

(#52)
Despite it's grandson becoming mainstream, few still use it for science, getting used in computers classed as very hard-working.

Matlab? and are you talking about Julia as it's grandson?

I'm thinking something older.

gilbert_given_189 wrote:

(#55)

dynamicsofscratch wrote:

gilbert_given_189 wrote:

(#52)
Despite it's grandson becoming mainstream, few still use it for science, getting used in computers classed as very hard-working.

Matlab? and are you talking about Julia as it's grandson?

I'm thinking something older.

fortran? apl? j? algol?

TechNerd64 wrote:

(#51)
This programming language is known for its high-pitched sound, often resembling a small rodent. It has a syntax that might make you feel like you're trapped in a maze, trying to find your way out. Its community is small, and finding help can be like searching for a needle in a haystack. Overall, using this language might make you feel like you're stuck in a never-ending loop of frustration.

Is this Velato? That's the only language I know that has pitch

BigNate469 wrote:

(#49)
Predecessor to C, didn't have types (values stored as integers or memory addresses, depending on the machine). Became outdated when C was released a decade later, by the same group. Fell out of use, now obsolete.

B?

dynamicsofscratch wrote:

gilbert_given_189 wrote:

(#55)

dynamicsofscratch wrote:

gilbert_given_189 wrote:

(#52)
Despite it's grandson becoming mainstream, few still use it for science, getting used in computers classed as very hard-working.

Matlab? and are you talking about Julia as it's grandson?

I'm thinking something older.

fortran? apl? j? algol?

yes

TechNerd64 wrote:

I supplied AI with a language and it generated this (Good Luck!):

This programming language is known for its high-pitched sound, often resembling a small rodent. It has a syntax that might make you feel like you're trapped in a maze, trying to find your way out. Its community is small, and finding help can be like searching for a needle in a haystack. Overall, using this language might make you feel like you're stuck in a never-ending loop of frustration.

Rodent, high-pitch sound, it's Squeak